How to ruin your life, a cautionary tale

This post is about how I ruined my life chasing a dream of online stardom and fortune, one poor (generally financial) decision at a time. I have spent the past, oh, 7 or so years trying to make music. It has taken me many places, such as rehearsal spaces, music lessons, even the occasional good time has been had partying. And to be fair, not all that time was spent working on music. But to buy into the lie perpetuated by some that anyone can make music, both literally and figuratively, is very foolish. Like yes, anyone can learn to play guitar, but if you want to perform or earn a living playing guitar, that is where I've found it nearly impossible. I haven't ruled out the possibility of having my musical vision come to life, I've just ruled out ever making any money from it. This might not seem like a big deal, sure. But when you think about how much time I've spent trying to achieve a tangible goal of earning a living threw music, perhaps it is a big deal. [Editors note: It does at least explain why some of my music has been somewhat low quality] I am quite sure, on the other hand, that I'm not ever going to climb out of the financial hole that "making music" has dug for me. I say that with quotation marks because much of the time I've spent these past years has been tangible time off from working on music. But nonetheless, it seems that much of the time that I've spent doing this has gotten me nowhere. It's those times, I think, that the creative process was at it's peak. I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that, but sometimes it's not the things you accomplish, in creative terms. It's how you think about what your doing in a way. As someone who got into music quite literally with two turntables, I've really realized as I've continued into music that sometimes music is at it's best when I'm not the one who created it. That isn't to say that I wouldn't undo all the damage done to my voice, reputation, and career by trying to sing over two records playing at once. But at the same time, it's those times that I was living a life that fit with, in a sense, music in general. I'm no longer living much life at all. I've been applying to jobs I may never get. I've been looking into voice lessons. Just somehow, it's those times that my music wasn't developed and I sampled the hell out of Tycho, The Flirts, even some Devo that I miss. I miss hearing Alan Parsons "Eye in the Sky" for the first time on my record player. I'm not saying I could make it into my own music, I'm just saying it was cool. While now I can figure out how to make a groove that's at least somewhat original, I mean the realization that no one listens to it anyway is a bit severe.


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